Every Friday night, traditionally, Jewish men sing Ayshet Chayil, which is from Proverbs 31:10-31. “A woman of valour who can find? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, and he hath no lack of gain. She doeth him good and not evil all the days of her life” it begins. Seems unobjectionable, even celebratory.
Yet, there are women who find it offensive. Considering there are women who find a door being held open for them offensive, it is not surprising. Still, it is difficult to understand where such outrage comes from (other than misplaced anger at dad).
Some are bothered by the “archaic” lines which list the tasks the woman of valor undertakes, including “laying her hands to the distaff,” “hold[ing] the spindle,” “seeking wool and flax,” and “rising while it is yet night and gives food to her household.” Being bothered by such lines reflects a lack of creativity and imagination. If written today, the words may be “laying her hands to the Swiffer” or “rises early to get to her high-paying job which pays the bills.” The specific actions are not what matter; rather, the fact that the husband recognizes and praises her for them. Forgive the author of Proverbs, assumed to be King Solomon, for using the language of his time to extoll the virtues of a valorous woman.
Equally off-putting, to some, is the line “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land” (31:23). I do not understand the objection, unless it is taken to mean that he does nothing sits all day while she works, which is not supported by the text and again reflects a the text does not say that. AsThis would also assume he literally sits at the gates, which again reflects an inclination to take poetry too literally. Again, we have to think of the context of the time and find a parallel for today. Women don’t want their husbands to be losers; they want a man who is involved and ambitious. That’s what this line indicates.
I encourage you to read the entirety of Ayshet Chayil, which I have copied below. See if you find anything “problematic” or “objectionable.” I think you’ll be hard-pressed.
More important than the words themselves, perhaps, is the context in which this poem is sung. The tradition of reading or singing Ayshet Chayil on Friday nights has been adopted across Jewish denominations. This means Jewish men worldwide have agreed upon the importance of extolling their wives’ virtues (non-literally) on a weekly basis. There is no parallel for women praising their husbands.
Taking it a step further, the tradition could be more for the men than the women. Just as prayer to God is not as much for His benefit as it is for ours, an opportunity for us to be introspective and grateful, perhaps reciting Ayshet Chayil is a reminder to husbands, and men in general, of the important roles that women play in their home and communal lives. If we are indeed living in the patriarchy, then it is a self-aware patriarchy seeking improvement.
Shabbat shalom!
“Who can find a woman of worth? for her price is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts in her, and he shall have no lack of gain.
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands.
She is like the merchant ships; she brings her food from afar.
She rises also while it is yet night, and gives food to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
She considers a field, and buys it: with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She girds her loins with strength, and she makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is good: her candle does not go out by night.
She lays her hands to the distaff, and her palms hold the spindle.
She stretches out her palm to the poor; yea, she reaches forth her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
She makes herself coverlets; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes garments, and sells them; and delivers girdles to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing; and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom; and on her tongue is a Tora of steadfast love.
She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her deeds praise her in the gates.”
“Eyshes Chayil” - Yaakov Shwekey